INGLORIOUS BASTERDS

CALI

Let me preface this review by saying I am a moderate Tarantino fan; however, I have not seen his full body of work excluding Pulp Fiction (saw it too young-didn't "get" it) and Kill Bill 1 and 2 which I adored.

I watched this film over two days-spaced thusly because of my birthday cake induced sugar coma (WARNING: Do not eat an entire birthday cake by yourself-okay, so I only ate 3/4 of it and it was a smaller, round cake, but nonetheless NOT a good idea....)

I watched this film on a very large TV on Blu-Ray and because of this the experience was simply gorgeous. The film's color and imagery were second to none and Tarantino's eye as a director goes for every detail-specifically the gory ones. Someone had warned me I would find this film "gross" but that was not the case---granted, I have seen Cannibal Holocaust so I think I am now immune to "gross." There was a good share of blood and gore but it was all necessary to the story and not simply there for shock effect-though I would counter my own opinion by positing that this could have been part of Tarantino's efforts-to shock and awe.

The plot was well done-segmented appropriately into chapters, and heightened by outstanding acting. Not only should Christopher Waltz win an Oscar but he should probably be a staple in all future films Tarantino directs. I may check out some German cinema just to see his other work. I was very impressed by Diane Kruger's German-excited to see Brad Pitt and Eli Roth appropriately ham it up, and was absolutely mesmerized by Melanie Laurent, specifically in the scene after she meets Hans over strudel. Every actor brought out the best in one another (Pitt was perhaps the most sub par in the acting category) and Tarantino's eye for the exquisite (who knew whipped cream could look so enticing and important) made the film a stunner. Obviously this film is not based on historical fact but, for a second, you find yourself wishing that it were. Not that I advocate killing anyone for any reason-but Tarantino took you there with skill, brevity, and nostalgia-a tricky combination when you consider his subject matter.

Perhaps the best way to sum up this film is with this review:
Ce film était spectaculaire et vous le devez à vous pour le regarder. Ma qualité : A

THE HANGOVER

CARLY:

I must admit, watching this movie again while my husband is "working" in Las Vegas is probably not a good idea. Particularly because it makes me even MORE jealous than I already am, but anyways, I digress.

The Hangover is a comedy set in Vegas, where three groomsmen lose Doug (the groom) during a crazy bachelor party, and must retrace their steps the next day in order to find him and get him to the wedding on time. What I loved about this movie is as follows:

1) I love Vegas. The city is larger than life, and I had an absolutely amazing time there. I can't wait to visit again, once I don't live halfway across the world. I think anyone will find this movie hilarious, but if you have been to Vegas, it just makes it that much more amazing.

2) Music. The playlist for this movie fits perfectly with the concepts in the movie. I hate when movies have bad music, or not even bad music, just music that doesn't fit in at the right times. This movie's playlist includes artists such as The Donnas, Kanye West, T.I., Usher and Lil Jon, Rihanna, Flo Rida, Phil Collins...etc. Each song is strategically placed in the correct spot to have the maximum effect on the viewers. And I can't stress enough how important music is to me in a movie. The opening credits to "Thirteen" by El Vez fits in perfectly with the images of the vacant desert and ends with the Bellagio fountains perfectly in sync with the song. Another musical and hilarious point in the movie includes Mike Tyson singing "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins.

3) Quotes. I can always tell if I find a movie funny because it contains many lines that can be quoted later. Below is a sample of a few favorites, but I'll leave it at that so I don't spoil them all.

Phil Wenneck: You're not really wearing that are you?
Alan Garner: Wearing what?
Phil Wenneck: The man purse. You actually gonna wear that or are you just fuckin' with me?
Alan Garner: It's where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it's not a purse, it's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.


Alan Garner: You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!


Alan Garner: Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Counting cards is a foolproof system.
Stu Price: It's also illegal.
Alan Garner: It's not illegal. It's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.
Phil Wenneck: I'm pretty sure that's illegal too.
Alan Garner: Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, bin Laden.


Sid Garner: Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you


This movie is a classic comedy, and will undoubtedly make you laugh.

GRADE: A

DEAR JOHN

CALI

Let me preface this blog by saying I was very excited to see this movie. I expected a saccharine chick flick but I am game to watch Channing Tatum clench his teeth in misunderstood agony any day of the week...and let me tell you I give him an A for clenched jaw agony and a B+ for misunderstood sexy...but unfortunately the film had some "depth" to it, I say that loosely, and I unfortunately cannot only grade it on his sex appeal.

I was horribly disappointed by this film-though I suppose I should not have expected much. The whole "9/11" angle was trite and done with such little exposition that it was like, wait a second, what is going on??? The love story was "sweet" but made cringe inducing by the SPOILER ALERT!!!!!! settling of the main character to a man who I think was old enough to be her father...and wasn't he friends with her parents...speaking of parents, where did THEY disappear to???? This movie introduced people for split seconds and then had them disappear into unexplained nothingness...which is kind of like the end of the film----a goatee is the explanation that time has elapsed and then, like magic, all is forgiven? I prefer my love stories to NOT have the main characters settling and, if they must (think the Notebook) there should at least be a better reason than Dear John offered. And I'm almost vomiting at the title "DEAR JOHN" as if to evoke a Dear John letter (LAME!!!!)---I would rather watch the Notebook and have my idea of love redeemed than watch this one. The lead actors were sweet but not sweet enough to make me buy into their eternal love. I'd rather watch Channing Tatum clench his manly jaw in Step Up and Amanda Seyfried sing her way through Mama Mia---or, better yet, check her out in Veronica Mars!!!!

Save your money and rent this one if you must.

Grade: C-

THE INVENTION OF LYING

At first glance, this movie seemed like a good one. Starring Jennifer Garner, and cameos by Jonah Hill, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Jason Bateman, and Edward Norton, made me optimistic. The main character (Ricky Gervais) is the first person to "say something that wasn't" in a world where no one has ever told a lie. This eventually leads to chaos. Throughout the movie, they try to create a love story between the lead actor and Jennifer Garner. This just makes me cringe every time I think they are about to kiss because the main character is so unattractive and has horrible teeth (something which I can't help but notice right away in people). In my personal opinion, I would pass this one by. Or if you are looking for a subpar 100 minutes of entertainment, then go ahead and rent it.

GRADE: D

AVATAR!!!!!

CALI:

O.M.G. That's how real journalists start their reviews these days. I LOVED this movie. In fact, I loved it so much I can barely muster a semblance of a review other than to say that I will most definitely shell out another 9$ to see it in 3-D. I am officially a huge James Cameron fan---regardless of his take on ecoterrorism and the fact that he lives in a compound whose carbon footprint far outdoes half of the state of South Dakota....this film is genius. And I LOVED Titanic and saw it 13 times in the theatre with Melissa McCarthy in 7th grade...only, I'm not ashamed to admit this like the rest of America. SOMEONE made it gross that much money and now it's not the cool thing to like Titanic...so in 15 years when he has another huge hit and everyone is pretending they didn't aboslutely adore Avatar--I will be there with my blue face paint (okay maybe not that far) saying I LOVE THIS FILM.

Now to review:
The story was well done-maybe not the most critically acclaimed (it's hard to beat tales of drunken oppression and climactic comebacks) but it was beautiful. The love story was simply-elegant-and gorgeous-and when it could have been waaay creepy (think furries) it saved itself in it's romantic simplicity. I enjoyed the scientific elements and visually it was beyond amazing. The way that they portrayed nature and the idea that we are all connected was exquisite and this was only made more so by James Cameron's outstanding visual effects. It made me think-it made me tear up-and it made me feel like I had put out a worthy amount of cash. Maybe it's not the "best" movie ever made but it was ENTERTAINING in every way movies are supposed to be. I would definitely have given Cameron an Oscar nomination for screenplay because he took tropes that are not always shelled out in our cinematic wonderland and made them beautiful (I see the comparrison to Ferngully and I appreciate it)....I just think it was a beautiful film in every sense of the word. And the words "I see you" have never sounded more exquisite. I thought the acting was spot on (Sam Worthington charms like none other)...Zoe (I can't spell her last name) had a perfect accent and dialogue without going too far or holding back too much, and Giovanni Ribisi is just delightful-as always-in everything he says and does. Whether Cameron is your cup of tea or not Avatar is pure entertainment and sometimes, in this world, we need that. Also, the reminder to hug a tree and not cut it down is something our industrial world could stand to hear every now and again.

My final note would be props to Michelle Rodriguez for having the msot bad ass line of the film---maybe someday I can be tough like her.

GRADE: A

MY BEEF WITH THE BACHELOR

CALI:

Okay so this is NOT a film but I needed a ranting space....

Last night I watched the Bachelor---yes, I confess, I STILL watch this show just to see the MOST.DRAMATIC.ROSE.CEREMONY.EVEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I digress...

I have a HUGE problem with this show:
NO-it is not the seemingly endless supply of perfect single gals ready and willing to find love in a week with a man who will learn to respect and love them for their "personalities"

NO-it is not the faux romance that you know won't last past cut (except in rare instances)
NO-it is not the onslaught of hot girls in bikinis who are quick to backstab one another in the name of being hotter and more desirable...

IT IS THIS:

THE CAREERS!!!!!!!

Every time they show a girl during their candid interviews they post their age (normally around 23-25) and then underneath this list their career....HOW THE HELL DO ALL OF THESE YOUNG WOMEN HAVE SUCH EXCITING AND PROFESSIONAL CAREERS??????

Is success directly correlated with beauty?

I'm almost 25 and I am currently unemployed.... my circumstances aside one of my best friends has TWO college degrees and works at Starbucks...IN A GROCERY STORE! We're not subpar people (I hope) so how did we end up with these careers, clearly we are NOT Bachelor material.

Examples of careers included:
Swimsuit Model

Advertising Account Manager

Marketing Representative

College Admissions

I can't even get INTO advertising, how do you become an account MANAGER by 23?

I thought only super educated, older people worked in college admissions, how do you snag THAT job?????

Swimsuit model-well I won't even got there.
Now Marketing REPRESENTATIVE is what led me to this stunning conclusion:

The Bachelor is the new version of Jeopardy contestants. I remember watching Jeopardy with my mom as a kid (a stay at home mom) and every time a woman said some awkward analogy for a career that translated to housewife my mom would cringe--she would ask "why can't people be happy just being a housewife, why do you have to be a co-executive house maintenance groundskeeping maid?" So, in short, maybe College Admissions means "I take out the trash for the admissions department at the University of KentuckY" or maybe "Marketing Representaitive" translates to "I call you 100 times a day and ask you to switch to Direct TV" and, well, some women are just that plain gorgeous and SHOULD be swimsuit models....

But I wonder.....if my theory IS correct, why does ABC gloss over the truth? Not every 23 year old contestant can POSSIBLY be a bona fide career woman who just so happens to get a month off of work to find love with some stranger in Palm Springs..........and, if this is NOT the case, WHERE DO YOU FIND THESE JOBS????? I want to know what these women REALLY do---not the tagline their jobs are given so they sound flashy and successful....The Bachelor makes me feel bad about myself and it's NOT because I'm looking at 20 women who are incredibly gorgeous, it's because of their damn careers.

My unemployed ass has turned to blogging: maybe I'm just bitter.

Carly:
I must confess I watch the Bachelor as well! It was a tradition I started with my best friend in college, Nicolle. We would pop open a bottle of wine and watch every episode each week. This season is particularly interesting because the bachelor "Jake" will send girls packing without the help of a rose ceremony. My favorite part so far was when he sent that crazy girl Michelle home, or sent BOTH girls from the two-on-one date home, and dramatically burned the rose he was supposed to give to one of them.
Cali, you make me laugh because last night when I was watching, I thought the EXACT SAME THING about their careers. I was like, um, marketing representative? So what does that mean, she maybe works in a call center, making cold calls to customers in a hopes of promoting a company? Or "advertising account manager", she probably licks envelopes at an advertising company. Really come on now, at 23 years of age, you have NOT landed your dream job, and if you have, you can't simply take months off to "find love" on a TV show. That's just not reality. I am 24 years old, and am working as a banker for Bank of America. I am content in my position because I have accepted the fact that although I have a bachelors degree, I have no working experience. Since my degree is in business economics, at least by gaining this banking experience, I will hopefully ONE DAY in like FIVE years, be a manager in a banking center (if that is the road I decide to continue down). But to be honest with you, at 24 years old, I really have no idea what I want to do as a career. Banking is fine for now, but is that what I ultimately want to do?
Despite all this, I do enjoy the girl drama and when the bachelor claims "this was such a difficult decision".

THIS IS IT

CALI:

I must say I came to watch This Is It in hopes that it would inspire my own creativity. I was not a huge MJ fan growing up...I remember watching Thriller (EEP) and jamming out to the Free Willy song (why does no one else seem to want to hear this song on a constant loop) but I also remember falling into the pitfalls of the sensationalized tabloid fodder---saying HE DID WHAT???? without any facts and thinking who on earth could dangle a baby out of a window....and, speaking of this, who would give said child the nickname BLANKET to forever remind him that his daddy dangled him from a daring precipice???

ANYWAY, I digress.....

As I'm in the middle of my own THIS IS IT moment (or, rather, trying to make a giant comeback tour in the career world)...I thought this movie could inspire me. On this, I was right. The film was well done, included a good amount of singing, choreography, and back story, while showing how inspiring MJ was to the people who worked with him. I particularly enjoyed watching his relationship with director Kenny Ortega: this relationship seemed pure, a balance of personal and professional integrity and deep love and respect. It was humbling to see someone work with a genius and not exploit him. You can't deny that MJ was a genius and I would recommend everyone see this film-if only for the fact that it is a monumental privilege to see into what would have been such a landmark tour. My only issue with the film, and why I give it a B rating, is that I did not think MJ sparkled with life and fervor....I thought he looked tired, worn out, skeletal, sad, and lonely. This made me feel sad and almost like I shouldn't be watching the film.....maybe this is because I know of his mortality that I somehow made myself see him as so tired and lifeless....but it was confusing to me. He was, no doubt, a genius, an icon, and a beautiful soul----but perhaps as a viewer I should have replayed the black and white video (my favorite) instead of watching what would be an unfulfilled dream....call me sentimental but it made me sad....not that my personal feelings in any way detract from the film...but in the end, he is a man who left many, many images of his greatness and I would rather return to one of those.

So B

that's my verdict.